Rejection
This week we wanted to take a break from our regular Saturday posts to talk about something a lot of us are dealing with right now: rejection.
We wanted to talk about rejection because it’s so personal to us and our mission as the outsiders guide. Even though the site has grown a lot since we launched it, the outsiders guide was originally made to help support students of color at challenging and stressful schools. As many of you know, the college process is the root of a lot of the stress and need for support; even though we have a lot of inspirational stories on the site, it wouldn’t be fair to talk about the process without mentioning rejection. It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and not fun to think about, but it's also inevitable.
It can be especially painful for our target audience, students of color, first generation students, and low income students. This isn’t to take away from the pain students who don’t fall into this group feel, but we need to acknowledge the higher pressure and frankly higher stakes certain groups experience. For students who are already isolated in competitive environments, already treated as inferior and struggling with imposter syndrome, a rejection can feel like a lot more than the inevitability we’re told it is.
We’ve decided to share some wisdom from four people who have dealt with (or are dealing with) rejection, and attach some other articles and resources that they suggested.
First, we have Jillian Louie, a graduate from the High School of American Studies class of 2020, and a current Athena Scholar at Hunter College. She’s also written a truly lovely piece for our blog earlier on which we suggest you check out.
““There is no real hierarchy to learning. It’s not like a math class at a public university and a math class at a prestigious university are going to teach you different concepts. It’s gonna be math both ways.”
I can’t even remember where I was rejected or waitlisted but my mom and dad were like, ‘alright if they don’t want you that’s their loss.’
It’s on them to choose the students that will contribute to their community, right? If I don’t seem like a good fit for their university’s community, that’s on them. They made a judgement on numbers and letters, nothing substantial to my soul or my worth or my purpose in life. Just some made up numbers.
It's almost like a symbol of admission of failure on some level, but it’s hard to see past the four years of college and into your future when you are presented with a set lifestyle and goals that don’t necessarily align with your own dreams.
You might be the greatest janitor this side of the Mississippi and through that you could save the lives of hundreds of teens but you didn’t go to an ivy so you’re a failure? A little silly, a little bit an expression of how much education matters to our modern lifestyles.”
She suggests watching the Great British Baking Show (despite her issues with England) and trying to re-create the recipes.
Next, one of our co-editors and an author in this piece, Aisha Baiocchi. She’s part of the High School of American Studies class of 2021, and isn’t totally sure where she’ll be attending next fall, though she’s considering accepting an offer from the Robertson Scholars Program as a University of North Carolina Chapel Hill scholar.
“I used to prepare myself for rejection by assuming I wasn’t going to get in to any of the schools I applied to. I would sit in front of my computer when I got the email saying ‘a new status update is available’ and tell myself that there’s no way it was going to be good. Don’t do that.”
“I think imposter syndrome tricks us into thinking that getting in is a fluke and not getting in is just proof of what we’ve been told for the past four years. We all know the reality is a lot more complicated than that, and if it helps, I know a ton of people who have been rejected from matches or even safeties and gotten into their reaches; it’s truly random and deep down we know it.
I would say, instead of trying to look for the logic in it or prepare yourself for the worst, let yourself feel whatever you need to feel, and don’t dwell on it. There doesn’t have to be a reason, and it doesn’t have to mean anything about you. It was so largely out of your control, and in the long run will be more inconsequential than you can even fathom.”
She suggests checking out the rejection megathread of the Applying to College reddit page (in moderation) and either ranting, or feeling less alone in just reading other people’s rants.
Lastly, we have our other co-editor, AnnaBelle Medina. She is also part of the High School of American Studies Class of 2021, and is undecided between Wesleyan University and Boston University.
“When you first see the email beginning with “I regret to inform you...”, a slight sharpness shoots through your chest. Even if it isn’t about the rejection of a specific school, it’s always unsettling to see a notice of rejection.”
“For me, it made me feel like the work I had done was somehow a waste, and left me with a feeling of not being good enough. It can make you feel like writing supplements, doing 5 different extracurriculars and getting good grades were all a waste. But in reality, every contribution we’ve made has made a positive impact on our lives, and often even on those of others. Our success is not defined by where we did not get into, but what we are able to do at the schools we do get into. Even if I didn’t get into my dream school, I am absolutely positive that I will still be able to pursue my passions at a different school—and you will be able to as well.”
She suggests making a list of pros from the schools you DID get accepted to. Every single school has amazing opportunities to offer—even the ones that don’t make you as excited. The more you look into the schools you were actually admitted to, the more you will begin to find a place where you can strive and feel happy in.
We’re looking for more stories from students of color, so reach out to us if you’re interested!
